Arrogance. Perception. Value.

Sometimes I wonder about other people's perception about me.

Well that's a lie. I don't wonder about it sometimes, I wonder about it all the time. We base our opinions on our perception of people, and it's reasonable to assume they do the same. So it's important that we value the oppinions of other's right? That would be what a person who makes sense does.

So I guess I don't make sense.

The people I'm around on a day to day basis, I feel like they have nothing but praise for me. Praise for hard work done, praise for my standards and rigor in my work. Approval on ideas I have. Everyone tells me I'm smart, that I'm good at things.

I don't understand why.

I don't feel like I am. It'd be a lie for me to say that I don't know I'm a good programmer. I know that I am at a level that is valuable to companies, but I also know that I have so much more I want to learn. So why can't I ever take compliments like "You're the best programmer I know, you're the best in that room you know, you're the smartest out of all of us" to heart? I don't consider them. Maybe it's a self defense mechanism over inflating my own ego.

Being arrogant is bad. I learned that in high school from my friend Shelby. It was my first time having a girlfriend, and I guess it affected me in such a way that I didn't even notice when I made one of my best friends feel like shit. I made them feel like it was wrong to be by yourself, that being happy meant being with someone else. It's not true. Everyone is different, we all need each other, but some of us don't have aspirations or reliance on others in the same way. I realized during the course of those events that arrogance is foolish. You should be confident and assertive about your thoughts and oppinions; but arrogant? Never.

Always check your tongue. Think about what you're going to say before you say it. If it's something that will hurt, or make you look like a dick, don't do it. If you just want to play yourself up in front of someone, make yourself look big to try to impress them. Don't. The only person you should have to impress is yourself. (And maybe your boss at work form time to time). At the end of the day though, it's your own opinion that matters.

Other peoples perception of you is important to consider, but I think that your happiness is determined by your own faith in the value of your life.

So if I don't value my own life, then what does that say about me?