I don't know why I wake up in the middle of the night. You'd think that with all the running around I do between work, friends, and an amazing girlfriend that I'd be more tired. Yet somehow I seem to have trouble sleeping lately. I get to bed alright, but almost always I wake up at some ridiculous of the morning and am stuck awake thinking for at least an hour.
Not about anything in particular, just life in general and random ideas that pop into my head. Life is just an odd thing really, and I was being driven somewhere the other day and was staring at the trees going by when I funny thought occurred to me. There is so much life on Earth. I imagine that a lot of the time we only ever think of ourselves and maybe a few animals as being alive, and besides that we don't really bother. But, flora as well as fauna are living. The sheer amount of life on Earth is completely insane -- and thinking that only planets in a Goldilocks zone can even possibly support it is crazy too. Maybe the reason there are so many dead planets out there is that there has to be some type of balance between life and death. A doubtful thing I suppose since if you'd like to stick to your scientific guns you'd have to come up with a complex theory to justify it --as oppose to saying God did it.
Still, sometimes I'm struck at how beautiful the world we live in is. Maybe its all the be green mentality shoveled and forced by my university, but it really is important to try to keep the damn planet alive and happy. Otherwise, whose going to be around to do anything?
Another unrelated thought (related by synapse I suppose or I wouldn't have thought of it), I think it's odd that so many people look for a meaning in life. Why can't you just live to live? Nothing wrong with that. Some people have to justify themselves with religion, some people justify their good deeds as their purpose, other people just want success and fame. From a Darwin point of view, the whole point of living is to make some babies and further the species. I wonder if Darwin would have realized that that would give space exploration its singular goal of spreading the human species to other planets? Although, in the same way as Darwins birds on islands, I wonder would each planet evolve its own genre of human? How interesting that would be! Space exploration would result in such interesting issues and excitement. For example, I highly doubt that no interplanetary war would break out between opposing political factions between planets. Assuming that each planet would have a dominant political standpoint in galaxy-wide issues. I wonder if there would be a president of planets haha.
Unrelated. Current music choice I don't know why, I recently started enjoying listening to soundtracks to anime's I've watched. I've noticed that almost always, Yuki Kajiura is the composer of the music that I really like. She does a lot of things with choirs and mixing genres together. All her music sounds good on acoustic guitar as well so maybe thats why I like it -- because I can find tabs or sheet music and play along. Its nice. The link I just included sounds awesome on flute as well.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Friday, June 22, 2012
Some useless rambling about chemicals and emotions
Warning. This is a bunch of rambling.
I don't understand it. I was thinking about it today and I can't fathom it. How is it that what starts out as piqued interest slowly grows into full on relationship?
If I approach it from a scientific view, (as I am want to do since its in my nature) I can imagine that pheromones have plenty to do with the initial attraction as well as life-context and other aspects of the situation and that repeated episodes of happiness being associated with the same person over time builds up a large amount of literal chemistry in your brain revolving around that person. Its not too difficult to view love as a type of hypnosis that one puts themselves in willingly.
On the other hand, warming up the ideas a little bit and putting cold hard science away for a minute letting the brain think a minute. Emotions -although chemical in nature- are really much more than that. In analogy, the behavior of a single ant is fairly meaningless, but the emergent behavior of a multitude of ants leaving pheromone trails eventually enables an entire colony to live. In the same way, a single chemical catalyst might be the random instant that begins an emotional storm that is far greater than the sum of its parts. One emotion leads to another, and in a exponential way, explodes into feelings and behaviors.
I feel a little odd thinking about all this, when I write about things I try to detach myself a little and look at it objectively, but when it comes to emotions, how could I possibly disconnect myself? It seems awfully impossible not to be biased in some way. Also, I by no means could hope to explain how everyone else feels. For all I know, the way I experience emotions is completely different from everyone else! Who knows, I certainly don't.
I suppose I'm hung up a little on thinking about how things begin small and grow because of a conversation I had earlier today. And I guess the fascination with how things begin is present in everyone. For example, the Big Bang, or whatever your favorite theory of creation is, is an interesting idea because it seems unfathomable to think about before it happened, there has to be a beginning there can not simply be. Or at least, I suppose that's probably popular opinion. I like to think about how I began. Not sex, or as semen or anything like that, thats just stupid to think that you're a person at that point. Personally, I don't see much of a person in a baby either -- no I like to think about when I first starting thinking and actually being aware of myself. And once I think about that 'beginning' I try to think about what it must have been like that before it. I mean, I can't understand it, its the same as trying to think about being two places at once I suppose, it simply doesn't work. Same with the concept of zero or nothing -- how can there be literally nothing? There has to be something there, the absence of something is bizarre. Perhaps just because to myself, as a human, I can't imagine not being, because it goes against my nature.
ANYWAY. Before I run off on another tangent about how absences don't make sense to me. I suppose I'll return to my point. Why are we so obsessed with the beginnings of things sometimes? Or the end of things for that matter (ala December 12th 2012 is coming, did you bring your coat?), why can't we just enjoy the now?
I like thinking about things and reflecting on stuff, after all we need to learn from our past mistakes and therefore should reflect on them sometimes. I also tend to think about the possible futures as well, coming up with scenarios before they happen and how to deal with them in advance, or at least get a better come back then 'your mom' to a good insult. Heh. But really, I wish I could focus more on the now more. If I didn't contemplate how my actions were going to pan out a lot of the time, maybe I could just say what I want to say and not worry about the repercussions instead of weighing what I say before I say it, or try to come up with the right words before I open my mouth. I'm not saying that its a bad thing, but just maybe I would say the right thing right away when its needed instead of just sitting and thinking for a while.
We are the culmination of our past experiences. But that doesn't mean they have to define who we will be. We decide that ourselves.
HA! I just remember the mantra of my high school, make it a great day or not, the choice is yours. It's a lame little quib from a silly public school education, but in a way its totally true. Or at least for me, a lot of things people have told me that stuck with me have helped me become good at restarting myself. My mother would always tell me goodnight when I was young, and then as she was closing my door, tell me that tomorrow is a new day and that was that. Tomorrow being a new day and having the choice of whether I made it a good one or not really stuck with me.
You can't always change what you're feeling, but you can do a good job of directing it. Not trying to sound like my life was hard or pleaing for sympathy, but I've had a lot of shitty relationships, and have been hurt a lot in the past. Unfortunately for me, my over protective mother and my more docile nature resulted in not starting to date til mid-high school. Those early fleeting relationships that are supposed to help you learn how to deal with pain and other peoples emotions were never there for me. I was learning the lessons when the people I knew had already delt with them. I didn't always know if I was just an oddball feeling a certain way, or whether or not I was doing the whole, being in love thing, wrong.
Maybe it was due to the added time I had before I started dating, or the way I've been treated before, but I try to talk about things a lot. Even when things are uncomfortable or other people don't want to talk about them. Its important to me to get it out and talk. In a way, instead of becoming upset or hurt, I just talk. I sorta detach myself from the pain itself and analyze it, trying to figure out why it bothers me so that I can understand. To me, to understand is to accept, and to accept cures the pain. I don't know how I became like this in all honesty. I remember back to my first love, It was unrequited, and it lasted from 2nd grade until 8th grade, when I finally crushed on someone else. Maybe I'm just a strange child having such devotion to one person for so long. I don't know! A couple years after that when I had my first relationship, I remember how easily I would get hurt by failure, failure still upsets me, but I don't cry over it anymore -maybe I'm just growing up slowly. Maybe I'm just fucked up beyond repair.
Along those lines, isn't there an expression about how your first love breaks your heart. And you spend the rest of your life trying to find someone to fix it. Maybe it isn't about fixing yourself, but 'fixing' someone else's heart and finding the right person who wants to 'fix' you as well. I dunno.
I feel like I've branched way off from my original topic/line of thought. That is, the subject of how interesting it is how even the biggest things have small beginnings. When someone looks at microsoft and bill gates, I bet they don't see the boy arrested for speeding, they see a billionaire intellect. Makes me wonder if I might get to the point where people look at me and wonder --how did he become like that. I think it might be nice to talk to someone about that sometime. Just have a conversation about how we become who we are.
I think that having someone else completely know you is next to impossible, let's face it, for some people, there are just things you can't admit to anyone, and you hardly like admitting them to yourselves. Regrets are a pain. But I guess, eventually you get over everything. Time heals all wounds supposedly. I don't know if thats true, I think we just forget things, and its just hard to forget things that were emotionally traumatizing because we still think about them regularly. Anywho, I think its important to open up to people though. And talk even when you're upset. Help others help you I suppose is the way I look at it.
Wow I'm still way off topic. It just too easy to get started on other topics when I haven't written in so long.
The White Stripes had a song called: You don't know what love is, you just do as you're told. And sometimes I think about that, and wonder if I know what love is. I like making other people happy, it makes me happy to make others happy. But listening is important too, and if someone asks you to do something, and its within your ability, shouldn't you do it if you want them to be happy? What if you never receive anything back? Is a selfless love where you don't get anything back better than one in which you do? I don't know.
Self worth is an interesting subject (I'm really not diverging from my original idea trust me). For one of my friends, he had a problem where he started to base his own worth on how his girlfriend treated him and such. After a while he became semi-depressed because of it. He realized in a moment of clarity what he was doing and decided on a break with her so that he could find his own confidence back. I like to think about that sometimes, how its important to not measure yourself by someone elses scale. But by your own. I don't see a problem in having another person who is close to you be a factor in that scale, but personal success should really be one of the larger ones on that scale. An unhappy partner should never tip you over to depression, that's just an unhealthy relationship. I suppose that being said, an extrememly happy partner probably shouldn't fill you up with their happiness either, in case of becoming dependent on their happyness for your own, then thats unhealthy too. There must be a balance of some kind between the two. And I really don't know where it is.
Oh good lord I'm so scatter-brained today and have written so much. What I meant to talk about was the difference between chemical and emotional love/lust. In conclusions though, my final thoughts on the matter are:
There should be balance between physical and emotional attraction. | One cannot dominate the other. I feel like at the beginning of a relationship, physical attraction takes precedence. Because lets face it, we're all shallow assholes. You don't start talking to some girl at the bar because you like her personality... and even if you've known someone for a long time, chances are once you're given the opportunity, you're going to want to explore the other persons body. Over time, you get to know each other better and build up an emotional attraction. In some of my experiences, this has caused the physical attraction to wane a little bit. And that always makes me sad. I suppose I'm a physical person because I really enjoy showing my affection through contact and such, (then again I like talking and getting to know someone too but whatever), when you start not spending as much time being together physically and start only being emotionally connected, I think its a good idea to get physical again. Alternate and find a good balance between the two so that everyone can be happy.
I guess life is all about balance. Balanced diets lead to longer lives. Balanced exercise routines lead to better bodies and less problems. Balanced workstyles lead to less stress and more job fulfilllment. Balanced friendships lead to a good mix of company. A balanced life is a happy life I guess.
I don't understand it. I was thinking about it today and I can't fathom it. How is it that what starts out as piqued interest slowly grows into full on relationship?
If I approach it from a scientific view, (as I am want to do since its in my nature) I can imagine that pheromones have plenty to do with the initial attraction as well as life-context and other aspects of the situation and that repeated episodes of happiness being associated with the same person over time builds up a large amount of literal chemistry in your brain revolving around that person. Its not too difficult to view love as a type of hypnosis that one puts themselves in willingly.
On the other hand, warming up the ideas a little bit and putting cold hard science away for a minute letting the brain think a minute. Emotions -although chemical in nature- are really much more than that. In analogy, the behavior of a single ant is fairly meaningless, but the emergent behavior of a multitude of ants leaving pheromone trails eventually enables an entire colony to live. In the same way, a single chemical catalyst might be the random instant that begins an emotional storm that is far greater than the sum of its parts. One emotion leads to another, and in a exponential way, explodes into feelings and behaviors.
I feel a little odd thinking about all this, when I write about things I try to detach myself a little and look at it objectively, but when it comes to emotions, how could I possibly disconnect myself? It seems awfully impossible not to be biased in some way. Also, I by no means could hope to explain how everyone else feels. For all I know, the way I experience emotions is completely different from everyone else! Who knows, I certainly don't.
I suppose I'm hung up a little on thinking about how things begin small and grow because of a conversation I had earlier today. And I guess the fascination with how things begin is present in everyone. For example, the Big Bang, or whatever your favorite theory of creation is, is an interesting idea because it seems unfathomable to think about before it happened, there has to be a beginning there can not simply be. Or at least, I suppose that's probably popular opinion. I like to think about how I began. Not sex, or as semen or anything like that, thats just stupid to think that you're a person at that point. Personally, I don't see much of a person in a baby either -- no I like to think about when I first starting thinking and actually being aware of myself. And once I think about that 'beginning' I try to think about what it must have been like that before it. I mean, I can't understand it, its the same as trying to think about being two places at once I suppose, it simply doesn't work. Same with the concept of zero or nothing -- how can there be literally nothing? There has to be something there, the absence of something is bizarre. Perhaps just because to myself, as a human, I can't imagine not being, because it goes against my nature.
ANYWAY. Before I run off on another tangent about how absences don't make sense to me. I suppose I'll return to my point. Why are we so obsessed with the beginnings of things sometimes? Or the end of things for that matter (ala December 12th 2012 is coming, did you bring your coat?), why can't we just enjoy the now?
I like thinking about things and reflecting on stuff, after all we need to learn from our past mistakes and therefore should reflect on them sometimes. I also tend to think about the possible futures as well, coming up with scenarios before they happen and how to deal with them in advance, or at least get a better come back then 'your mom' to a good insult. Heh. But really, I wish I could focus more on the now more. If I didn't contemplate how my actions were going to pan out a lot of the time, maybe I could just say what I want to say and not worry about the repercussions instead of weighing what I say before I say it, or try to come up with the right words before I open my mouth. I'm not saying that its a bad thing, but just maybe I would say the right thing right away when its needed instead of just sitting and thinking for a while.
We are the culmination of our past experiences. But that doesn't mean they have to define who we will be. We decide that ourselves.
HA! I just remember the mantra of my high school, make it a great day or not, the choice is yours. It's a lame little quib from a silly public school education, but in a way its totally true. Or at least for me, a lot of things people have told me that stuck with me have helped me become good at restarting myself. My mother would always tell me goodnight when I was young, and then as she was closing my door, tell me that tomorrow is a new day and that was that. Tomorrow being a new day and having the choice of whether I made it a good one or not really stuck with me.
You can't always change what you're feeling, but you can do a good job of directing it. Not trying to sound like my life was hard or pleaing for sympathy, but I've had a lot of shitty relationships, and have been hurt a lot in the past. Unfortunately for me, my over protective mother and my more docile nature resulted in not starting to date til mid-high school. Those early fleeting relationships that are supposed to help you learn how to deal with pain and other peoples emotions were never there for me. I was learning the lessons when the people I knew had already delt with them. I didn't always know if I was just an oddball feeling a certain way, or whether or not I was doing the whole, being in love thing, wrong.
Maybe it was due to the added time I had before I started dating, or the way I've been treated before, but I try to talk about things a lot. Even when things are uncomfortable or other people don't want to talk about them. Its important to me to get it out and talk. In a way, instead of becoming upset or hurt, I just talk. I sorta detach myself from the pain itself and analyze it, trying to figure out why it bothers me so that I can understand. To me, to understand is to accept, and to accept cures the pain. I don't know how I became like this in all honesty. I remember back to my first love, It was unrequited, and it lasted from 2nd grade until 8th grade, when I finally crushed on someone else. Maybe I'm just a strange child having such devotion to one person for so long. I don't know! A couple years after that when I had my first relationship, I remember how easily I would get hurt by failure, failure still upsets me, but I don't cry over it anymore -maybe I'm just growing up slowly. Maybe I'm just fucked up beyond repair.
Along those lines, isn't there an expression about how your first love breaks your heart. And you spend the rest of your life trying to find someone to fix it. Maybe it isn't about fixing yourself, but 'fixing' someone else's heart and finding the right person who wants to 'fix' you as well. I dunno.
I feel like I've branched way off from my original topic/line of thought. That is, the subject of how interesting it is how even the biggest things have small beginnings. When someone looks at microsoft and bill gates, I bet they don't see the boy arrested for speeding, they see a billionaire intellect. Makes me wonder if I might get to the point where people look at me and wonder --how did he become like that. I think it might be nice to talk to someone about that sometime. Just have a conversation about how we become who we are.
I think that having someone else completely know you is next to impossible, let's face it, for some people, there are just things you can't admit to anyone, and you hardly like admitting them to yourselves. Regrets are a pain. But I guess, eventually you get over everything. Time heals all wounds supposedly. I don't know if thats true, I think we just forget things, and its just hard to forget things that were emotionally traumatizing because we still think about them regularly. Anywho, I think its important to open up to people though. And talk even when you're upset. Help others help you I suppose is the way I look at it.
Wow I'm still way off topic. It just too easy to get started on other topics when I haven't written in so long.
The White Stripes had a song called: You don't know what love is, you just do as you're told. And sometimes I think about that, and wonder if I know what love is. I like making other people happy, it makes me happy to make others happy. But listening is important too, and if someone asks you to do something, and its within your ability, shouldn't you do it if you want them to be happy? What if you never receive anything back? Is a selfless love where you don't get anything back better than one in which you do? I don't know.
Self worth is an interesting subject (I'm really not diverging from my original idea trust me). For one of my friends, he had a problem where he started to base his own worth on how his girlfriend treated him and such. After a while he became semi-depressed because of it. He realized in a moment of clarity what he was doing and decided on a break with her so that he could find his own confidence back. I like to think about that sometimes, how its important to not measure yourself by someone elses scale. But by your own. I don't see a problem in having another person who is close to you be a factor in that scale, but personal success should really be one of the larger ones on that scale. An unhappy partner should never tip you over to depression, that's just an unhealthy relationship. I suppose that being said, an extrememly happy partner probably shouldn't fill you up with their happiness either, in case of becoming dependent on their happyness for your own, then thats unhealthy too. There must be a balance of some kind between the two. And I really don't know where it is.
Oh good lord I'm so scatter-brained today and have written so much. What I meant to talk about was the difference between chemical and emotional love/lust. In conclusions though, my final thoughts on the matter are:
There should be balance between physical and emotional attraction. | One cannot dominate the other. I feel like at the beginning of a relationship, physical attraction takes precedence. Because lets face it, we're all shallow assholes. You don't start talking to some girl at the bar because you like her personality... and even if you've known someone for a long time, chances are once you're given the opportunity, you're going to want to explore the other persons body. Over time, you get to know each other better and build up an emotional attraction. In some of my experiences, this has caused the physical attraction to wane a little bit. And that always makes me sad. I suppose I'm a physical person because I really enjoy showing my affection through contact and such, (then again I like talking and getting to know someone too but whatever), when you start not spending as much time being together physically and start only being emotionally connected, I think its a good idea to get physical again. Alternate and find a good balance between the two so that everyone can be happy.
I guess life is all about balance. Balanced diets lead to longer lives. Balanced exercise routines lead to better bodies and less problems. Balanced workstyles lead to less stress and more job fulfilllment. Balanced friendships lead to a good mix of company. A balanced life is a happy life I guess.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Broken Down
Today my friend and I were out for a drive. From Ohio to NH, we broke down in NY. My friend had been meaning to change his oil soon, and was planning on doing it when we in NH. Unfortunately, the engine began overheating and we had to pull over to the side of the road. After checking the dipstick we noticed that there wasn't any oil left in the engine. So I called a Tow and we put some oil in the car. Unfortunately, that wasn't the problem. It was the source of the real problem though.
We blew a hole in the engine block. A piston, or fuel rod, or something in the crankshaft had blown a pretty large hole straight through the engine. It's miraculous we got the car over to the road and shutoff before it messed itself up even more. Moral of the story, don't delay important things like oil for a car. My friend loved his car, it was well maintained and had 10K+ miles on it from him alone. If we had put oil in it before we left Ohio, then we would have been perfectly fine. Unfortunately such is life.
I also was reassured of my crisis situation skills today. I'm hardly ever placed in a position of danger, or problematic situations. I do a good job of avoiding drama and sketchy operations. But when it comes to it I almost always have a level head. I say almost because one time when my friend told me about how my friends' ex (then girlfriend) was treating him it pissed me off immensely and I was ready to call her and give her a piece of my mind, but then logic prevailed and I didn't. Anyway though, I stayed calm the whole time. Calling my insurance and calling my family for assistance.
Also, the optimist in me definitely showed. I was seeing silver lining everywhere. Yeah, the car died, beyond repair. But at least we were safe, close to an exit and had family willing to help us. Also, we got to spend some time together just being away from home. I'm in a hotel right now, and it's nice to just be traveling with a friend. Yeah, we won't be traveling too much for a bit, but hey, just one more story to recount sometime.
Alexithymia is a pretty interesting psychological trait/illness. The doctors aren't even sure if it's an illness or just a personality trait. I took one of the online quizes from the wikipedia page, got 117, which indicates high Alexithymia traits. There was a breakdown category and I showed no Externally-oriented thinking symptons or sexual difficulties or disinterest symptons, but was high in all the other categories. Pretty interesting I think. Sometimes I feel like I don't express my emotions very well or that I can't find the right words to say. But other times I have no problem whatever, if I did have Alexithymia, I'd probably be showing signs of the secondary alexithymia. which is state dependent.
Then again, whenever someone with a good imagination reads about an interesting disease they probably start looking for symptons in themselves. And most 'disorders' are really easy to find with the right examples in pretty much anyone. Glad I'm not a pysch major, I hear after you take an abnormal pysch class you're pretty much doomed to prescriptions haha.
Emotions make no sense, and I think that might be why I enjoy thinking about them and trying to 'figure' them out I suppose. I mean, if you wanted to break it down, its all chemical and electrical in the end. But if you went that far, then you'd probably find no point in living anymore, but that in itself, that you need to have a point to live or whatever is something I don't think you can explain with Science alone. Its like thinking about whether or not a human has a 'soul' or not. And what makes us conscious beings. When I was younger I used to sit and think (I was a quiet baby as well, didn't cry much) about if people saw the world the same as I did. Whether someone else's blue was the same as my blue or if we just happened to call them the same thing. If someone was taught that blue was red there whole life they wouldn't understand how anyone could tell them differently. Its like learning a new language. Only we al speak/see our own. Thinking about that stuff always made me with that I could swap bodies with someone and see through their eyes and understand walking in their shoes (literally). Specifically, I always wanted to switch with my friend Susan and find out how girls were different from boys. I was rather innocent at the time, considering I was in kindergarden, but it's such a fascinating idea. How do other people see the world? How do I know that you know something? Whose to say that my mind/eyes aren't just playing one big joke on me. Its enough to keep one awake for a while. I could probably talk myself in circles that way.
We blew a hole in the engine block. A piston, or fuel rod, or something in the crankshaft had blown a pretty large hole straight through the engine. It's miraculous we got the car over to the road and shutoff before it messed itself up even more. Moral of the story, don't delay important things like oil for a car. My friend loved his car, it was well maintained and had 10K+ miles on it from him alone. If we had put oil in it before we left Ohio, then we would have been perfectly fine. Unfortunately such is life.
I also was reassured of my crisis situation skills today. I'm hardly ever placed in a position of danger, or problematic situations. I do a good job of avoiding drama and sketchy operations. But when it comes to it I almost always have a level head. I say almost because one time when my friend told me about how my friends' ex (then girlfriend) was treating him it pissed me off immensely and I was ready to call her and give her a piece of my mind, but then logic prevailed and I didn't. Anyway though, I stayed calm the whole time. Calling my insurance and calling my family for assistance.
Also, the optimist in me definitely showed. I was seeing silver lining everywhere. Yeah, the car died, beyond repair. But at least we were safe, close to an exit and had family willing to help us. Also, we got to spend some time together just being away from home. I'm in a hotel right now, and it's nice to just be traveling with a friend. Yeah, we won't be traveling too much for a bit, but hey, just one more story to recount sometime.
Alexithymia is a pretty interesting psychological trait/illness. The doctors aren't even sure if it's an illness or just a personality trait. I took one of the online quizes from the wikipedia page, got 117, which indicates high Alexithymia traits. There was a breakdown category and I showed no Externally-oriented thinking symptons or sexual difficulties or disinterest symptons, but was high in all the other categories. Pretty interesting I think. Sometimes I feel like I don't express my emotions very well or that I can't find the right words to say. But other times I have no problem whatever, if I did have Alexithymia, I'd probably be showing signs of the secondary alexithymia. which is state dependent.
Then again, whenever someone with a good imagination reads about an interesting disease they probably start looking for symptons in themselves. And most 'disorders' are really easy to find with the right examples in pretty much anyone. Glad I'm not a pysch major, I hear after you take an abnormal pysch class you're pretty much doomed to prescriptions haha.
Emotions make no sense, and I think that might be why I enjoy thinking about them and trying to 'figure' them out I suppose. I mean, if you wanted to break it down, its all chemical and electrical in the end. But if you went that far, then you'd probably find no point in living anymore, but that in itself, that you need to have a point to live or whatever is something I don't think you can explain with Science alone. Its like thinking about whether or not a human has a 'soul' or not. And what makes us conscious beings. When I was younger I used to sit and think (I was a quiet baby as well, didn't cry much) about if people saw the world the same as I did. Whether someone else's blue was the same as my blue or if we just happened to call them the same thing. If someone was taught that blue was red there whole life they wouldn't understand how anyone could tell them differently. Its like learning a new language. Only we al speak/see our own. Thinking about that stuff always made me with that I could swap bodies with someone and see through their eyes and understand walking in their shoes (literally). Specifically, I always wanted to switch with my friend Susan and find out how girls were different from boys. I was rather innocent at the time, considering I was in kindergarden, but it's such a fascinating idea. How do other people see the world? How do I know that you know something? Whose to say that my mind/eyes aren't just playing one big joke on me. Its enough to keep one awake for a while. I could probably talk myself in circles that way.
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