Saying Goodbye to Summer

I love Summer. Summer is such a great time. Until the end, when Summer ends, leaves start falling and the winds pick up, soon enough there's cold everywhere and there's nothing you can do about it. School starts up again, and summer flings end, couples who go to school together see each other again in glorious reunion, couples who go to different schools have to say their goodbyes.

I'm the latter. I've never had to really say goodbye to someone I care about so much before. The only other time I had a girlfriend who I had to say bye to was college freshmen year --and I was an asshole and didn't really care. So, this is the first time I've really had to do that. To sum it up inadequately, its hard.

To sum it up properly, which can't be done, here is my attempt. Imagine feeling content, satisfied, happy, and  comforted. Now imagine someone telling you you weren't going to feel those quite the same way for a little while, and then proceed to take each one of those away slowly, that's sorta what its like. Its not like I'm going to be devoid of happiness, feel unsatisfied, sad, or discontent. I can find happiness in my friends, I can find satisfaction in my work, I might even feel content every now and then after a long day of productivity and settling for a good sleep.  Feeling comforted though, that ones hard to get back. And each of the other feelings I listed off, while they can be partially fulfilled by others, no one quite fills it like your significant other.

There's a reason they're called your significant other. Simply put, their opinions matter to you, you take them into consideration when you make decisions about the most minute detail. The words you choose to say to them affects them moreso than anyone else. When you or someone else matters to the other person, its an indescribable comfort. When just being with someone makes you happy and content, what more could you want? Feeling unsatisfied? A significamt other is almost always ready for a compliment to make you feel good, and its one that they mean.


I need sleep

Decisions we make

Its funny to see how people in different walks of life behave from others. Currently, I am sitting on a couch at a friends house. We had a little get together last night and had a few drinks, smoked some hookah, and watched some awful movies. Despite having this in common, our morning behavior is very different.

One friend began to check his Facebook, the other two hopped onto Reddit. I began to continue my work for my internship that I had begun last night. It struck me after an hour or so that I had just spent the last hour earning money, while my three friends had accomplished nothing more than a few laughs. I wonder which is better? I mean, you need some laughter in your life, and having a good time is important to keep up good health and just be happy. But working gives you a sense of fulfillment that I don't can be matched in the same way by happiness. I'm not saying ones better than the other, just that they give different senses of accomplishment.

My friend who I got a job recently is sitting with his facebook page open, leaning back and he vaguely resembles Steven Hawkings. We do different things for the same person, so we make a different amount of money. He gathers images for products and sends them over, I create XML documents linking videos to products. I get paid a small amount per item, and he gets paid a tenth of what I get paid. He's been complaining recently and not been getting much work done. His main issues are that his computer is slow (this being because his hard drive is literally almost filled and his computer is a few years older) and his internet connection is shaky at best. So he's been complaining, but in all honestly, they're excuses. Maybe its just my work mindset in this, but its extremely easy work. Boring yes, easy to go do something else yes, easy to not do work. But if it was me in his shoes, I would see this as the opportunity it is. He can work from home, he can work at his own pace, he can do it when he's bored. There's no real demand so long as he delivers something, and it looks good on a resume if he uses the right wording (as all things can).

It frustrates me to see my friends stagnate and get caught up in the internet-do-nothing-club. Especially when they could be bettering themselves. I think that's one of the key points in losing friends by going to college. When you broaden your own horizons so to speak, you want your friends to as well. And when they can't or aren't willing to, then distance occurs between the friends. I feel like there's a bit more distance in my relationships with people from my hometown, probably because of this. False promises of, oh I'll go to school next year. Excuses of, I just can't do it right now. Aimlessness of not having a clear direction in life. So many things that keep people from being better. Its sad.

I just wish that all my friends could live their lives to the fullest, kinda lame sounding I guess, but I do really wish that.

End of Summer -one more week

Hard to believe that summer is almost over. Compared to last summer, this one has been drastically different.  Last summer was spent working on CS projects and constantly attempting to expand my overall experience and reading more and more articles and such. Hanging out with friends constantly, and trying to save money.

This summer, I spent most of my time with my girlfriend, there was hardly a single day we didn't see each other. It' interesting how priorities shift when you find someone you care for deeply. That being said, all was not lost for CS projects, I worked on a website with a friend and its in the late stages of being able to be deployed. I crafted a small helper program to assist me in an internship I got this summer. I worked hard (mostly) and was rewarded with one of the most profitable summers I've ever had. That being said, my accounts are low right now compared to previous summers, but I did technically make more money this summer than the last two.

Last night I hung out with some friends and smoked a new tobacco that they had in their hookah. It was really good stuff, expensive at 12.50 for a tin, but smoked long and didn't become gross after a while like many other tobaccos. We played with a motorcycle helmet, lovingly called the smoking helmet and did what was called 'ghosting' and pretty soon we were all extremely light headed and being rather silly. It was a nice relaxing time though. Fell asleep on the couch to dragons fighting humans in reign of fire, and woke up (unfortunately) to Rat Bastards. I left at that point, before the man known as Skeeter lit the marsh on fire.

Today I have the options of frisbee or basketball, both give a good workout, I'm not sure which one I should do. I also introduced my friends to Rock-Paper-Scissors-Pushup last night, which was a fun time. I want to start working out and being healthier. This summer, I didn't buy myself lunch for work and most of the time had popcorn for lunch. So I didn't really get to much health into my system, and I didn't get to go running like I did last summer. I miss feeling like I'm bettering my body in some way, so I think I'll start working out again soon. At least doing push-ups and sit-ups.

I've grown closer to some of my friends this summer as well, probably because I didn't get a chance to hang out with as many people this summer, I ended up hanging out with one main group and occasionally seeing other people. Out of this main group, one of the people I just considered a good friend, became a really great friend. Good talks lasting into the middle of the night help strengthen a friendship thats for sure.

Exciting news in my life, I have an internship! Well, I was doing an internship with a sub contractor of buy.com, but that was from home and was on my own time. So it didn't really feel like a job so much as a nice way to pass the time every now and then and get paid for it. BUT. My former roommate recommended me to his supervisors as a replacement when he leaves his summer internship, and I interviewed and a week later I got a call back. Hired! I'm so excited that I'm going to have an awesome paying internship that is going to help build up my resume even more!

There are so many things  I want to do this semester, running two organizations, an internship, and a full time schedule are going to be hard. But I think it will be the best semester yet!

Off day

Pretty much sums it up. Maybe its the lack of sleep today, but today was just not a good day for me. I was so out of character! Normally I'm quite happy, cheerful, optimistic, and ready for adventure. Today I didn't want to be at work at all, wanted to sleep most of the time, or at least lie down, watch shows, and maybe just cuddle a little bit. I don't know,  I was having an off day I guess. I felt like I was irritable/irritating today. I don't know whats bothering me or what's wormed its way underneath my skin but I hope I figure it out soon so I can go back to being happy.

Apartments

One of my friends now is on his own (technically living with Girlfriend and two other roommates) now that his Mother has moved down south. His place has been very messy the last few days, and still is --although its getting better. I feel like he's moving onto the first stage of being a full fledged adult. Living by yourself without your parents safety net Another of my friends had a taste of living by himself because his parents were gone for a few days and he has the apartment all to himself.

The thing I found most interesting was going between them and seeing the quality of apartment and figuring out what I liked and didn't like about each place. One place was bright, well lit, brightly coloured walls and ample floor space. The other doesn't have enough light, the walls are brown, and the massive clutter and cramped feel about the space is crushing when you're there for too long.


I think that going between them has shown me what I really like about apartments and probably how I would prefer an apartment to be like should I live in one. I like brighter walls, it brings my mood up instead of down. A good amount of ligthing really helps keep the cheerful energies flowing, although being able to switch to a more subdued feel would probably be nice for some occasions. Floor space is a must for me. I don't think I can stand a large amount of cluttered close objects to each other, it drives me nuts not being able to step more than a few feet in a single direction without running into something. The long corridor of a trailer makes me feel cramped and confined, while simple square or rectangular rooms feel larger and nice. A nice coffee table really does tie things in nicely as long as their space to move around it.