Feminism....

http://madamenoire.com/57269/how-feminism-is-ruining-your-love-life/

I just read this article and then started reading the comments below. Boy was that fun. Its interesting to see how people's lives have affected their viewpoints and how easy people generalize and try to force their opinions on others.

It's stupid.

Men and Women are the same species. We're all human. We throw labels on everything because as humans we tend, as a species, to quest for knowledge and to simply know things. And to know something, you must classify it seems to be a pretty big idea. So we end up with, feminists, radical, conservatives, socialists, communists, capitalists, masculists (yeah bet you didn't know about those), and a whole plethora of labels. And its nice to be able to give something a name, it makes it less scary. Its like when your window gets hit by a tree and you think its a ghost because you're 4, then you're told be a parent that it was just a tree. Oh, a tree, well then now that I know what it is, it's not scary anymore.

Anyway, men and women are different. And better yet, men are different from other men, and women are different from other women, and some men are the same as some women and some women are the same as men. Fancy that right? There's no general principles that will define all men or women in a clear cut fashion. You can't even break up a hermaphroditic or transvestite or third gender type person because plenty of them identify with either a third gender or as one or the other.

In no way is anything universal to the sexes. Is that so hard to understand? You can root explanations in biology, but its nurture not nature that shapes most of our lives. If you're raised in an abusive household you might become mute, you might become strong, you might have issues or hell somehow you'll tend up 'normal' it all depends on who you are. And its the same with the relationships between men and women.

No single relationship is the same between people, when people try to classify each other it only hurts peoples feelings. Go ahead, tell your significant other "I wear the pants" and watch how infuriated they'll become. When you demean someone it doesn't matter what gender they are or who they are, it hurts, and when a human is hurt, you retaliate.

Now onto a bit of what those comments touched on, because they were all fairly different. Some yelled about how women were being oppressed, some about how men were oppressed. I can see both sides of the argument. And both stem from the same source. Entitlement. Some women, and some men feel like they're entitled to certain things in life. Like, if you're raised that men open doors for women, then as a woman you'll expect a guy to hold the door for you as a norm. Likewise, if a guy is raised that the woman cooks meals in the home, then he'll expect that. Both sexes feel they are entitled to what they're used to. When people start seeing entitlement as something to enforce then you have a problem. Men being paid more? Entitlement. Women being the nurturing and loving side of parenting? Entitlement. Its all crap.

Any sex or gender can play any role they want. But the point is that the roles should be played to complement each other and so you work together. If a couple pairs up, doesn't matter if its same sex or straight, then they should help each other to grow and become better as people in general. Its not a fucking competition and that's what everyone, not one sex specifically, need to understand. It' teamwork that matters and when you're a goddamn couple, that means you're together, and hopefully making each other better off for it. Supporting each other through rough times, complimenting each other when you're feeling down, pointing out ways to get farther in the world. Everything. Being in a relationship is a two-sided street. Not some ridiculous one way where all the love and affection stream from one person to another. Although that one's a one way street, a one way street to the person whose putting in the effort to leave and find someone who will actually appreciate them.

My problem with radical feminists is that they think they can do everything themselves with no ones help but their own, or worse yet, only other feminists could possibly understand and help them. That goes against original feminists ideals. Men and Women as Equals. Equals share responsibility and don't try to do everything themselves, they work together as equals, to make something bigger than themselves.

Death and foresight

So my grandmother is going to die soon. I just read an email from my aunt who takes care of her. My grandmothers senile dementia is getting worse and she's recovering from heart surgery and breaking her left arm during a fall. It's weird to think about the nice old lady who would give me candy or play the piano in church being gone. But then again, since she moved away to live with my aunt 5 or so years ago she hasn't really been part of my life.

When she would visit it was always nice, her stories and everything were great to listen to and she always had good advice on a broad range of topics. Hell, she even remembered advice from a first grade teacher she had. But I guess that's all changing now, she can't remember things very well anymore and forgets easily. Not too mention it sounds like she's rather irritating to argue with, as my aunt mentioned that. I guess the one thing I'm really sad about is that my father will have to go through the death of his mother at some point in the probable near future. My mother has already gone through that, and I can tell its difficult. I mean, if I try to imagine it its pretty earth-shattering. Someone like that who was a constant growing up suddenly being thrown away, gone forever, all that.

Sucks I guess. But, when you don't see people for a long time and don't keep up with them, I guess it's easy to just continue on without really changing. I mean, if you've gotten along this well without them being the driving force behind you anymore then you'll get along fine without them when they're completely gone. And I think that's all that parents could probably hope for their children. I mean, raise em right and teach em well and they'll carry on while you burn in hell. Sorry, I had to make the rhyme right there, it was too good. But my point is that the reality of any situation is that children (in an ideal world) surpass their parents in the whole living game. So its only natural to pay your respects, nod your head to the reality of the situation, and carry on like you know they'd want you to.

unhappiness and loneliness

Does everyone get those periods in their life when they just kinda get in the contemplative mood and just think. Not really focused on anything in particular but just think about whatever.

These moods seem to strike whenever though, doesn't matter if you're having a good time or not, they just show up. I imagine for a lot of people they show up when you've been drinking, even though sometimes I think some people try to drink away their thoughts. I try not to do that. There are days where it seems like it'd be really nice to just not think. I mean, when you spend your whole day thinking nearly constantly and problem solving, and thats what you're used to. Its relaxing to problem solve and think, but when the problem is solved.... you have nothing to do anymore.

I wonder if that's my problem. I feel like I used to do whatever, waste time doing pretty much nothing, or just being procrastinating and do anything else. But now, after a bunch of college and figuring out how best to do what I like doing, I'm stuck. Its like, I want to be unproductive and go 'have fun' but I can't because my mind is always on something major-related. I feel like I have nothing to talk about with my friends if we're not doing work; and that's really depressing I guess. Problem solving and such interests me, having something to work on makes me happy. But it's like my self-worth is proportional to how much work I'm getting done, how many people I'm helping, and not on things like social gatherings,being popular,having close friends,money, and all the 'regular' things someone might list to define fun things. I mean, when I get bored hanging out with friends and start thinking about all the problems/work I could be doing if I wasn't being polite, I realize what I'm thinking and kinda get upset with myself. Then I see people who are being 'normal' and being excited about the 'right things' and then I feel sad and a little jealous of those people.

I guess it could be the whole fitting in with people thing that I'm jealous of. Or not being some crazy workaholic who never has anything people find interesting to talk about. I mean, let's face it, I don't watch tv, so its not like I'm updated on all the crazy media that flies around. I get excited about finding some really cool  algorithm or methodology. Like, why? Things that are dry to anyone who isn't doing a research paper on is interesting to me. Like, when you get excited because you hear your professor say fast powering algorithm and bit complexity analysis.... maybe I have a problem. Its called the smart or something, but they should probably just call it social anxiety channeled into learning.

I don't know, its frustrating because I want to have both. I want to help people, I want to be considered one of those 'smart' people so that I can get a good reputation, get a good job, make something of myself (whatever that means), and be financially stable. But I also want to have a social life, enjoy the little things, and not need a 40 hour work week to keep me from becoming bored and lonely.

I don't understand why I should feel lonely. I have a beautiful girlfriend who supports me and makes me feel content and happy. At the same time, this is the first year I haven't had a roommate, and I'm one of few seniors living on campus so I feel like some sort of lame old man. Especially when I see people doing things that I would have considered fun a couple years ago, and think to myself that they're so young or immature or whatever fits the situation. I guess those contemplative attacks are just there to make me feel old or something, old like a crotchety old man.

I don't get why I'm so dumb sometimes, why can't I just be normal

I feel old

I don't know why but when I walked home from a friends house tonight I felt really old. I was just walking along, occasionally checking out the people I was seeing, and they all seemed to be really young. Faces, expressions, attitudes, and just everything. Maybe its just because they're so many freshmen wandering about during the first week of school, but it just seemed like everywhere I looked there was someone just... young.

I don't really party anymore, I mean, on occasion I do, but for the most part when someone asks me about my Friday night my response involves work or something that I worked on. I guess I've always kinda been like that, but more so now-a-days. I feel like if I don't work on something and be 'productive' that I'm almost wasting my time. This doesn't apply to all situations, I mean, if I hang out with my girlfriend then I'm not wasting time by any stretch of the phrase. But if I'm at school, it just seems like everything besides my work is a distraction. Eating, sleeping, and sometimes just dealing with day to day social communication with the strangers I have to help because of my positions in certain organizations. Its all just a distraction from that one project I want to work on.

I guess I'm some kind of work-a-holic or something, but if I'm not bettering myself or learning something, then why am I at school? I guess that's sorta my attitude to it all. Maybe that's why I feel like so many other people are young when I look at them. They're out and about having a great time just being stupid, well not stupid, but spending their time partying and trying to find their next bit of adrenaline. Eventually the feelings going to run out for those people and they're going to need to find something that actually fulfills them more than for just a single night. I don't know, maybe I'm just an old man who should have stopped living on campus.