I watched the new Britney Spears video today, the one for her song Hold it against me. I enjoyed that she's crossing over into new territory (dubstep) and I think she did it pretty well. The song is definitely enjoyable to listen to, and to dance to. Also, the part in the video where she fights herself reminded me of Mortal Kombat. I was pleased. I do miss the Britney Spears I watched as a kid growing up though. I still remember sitting with my family watching her Live at Hawaii concert on television. She was brilliant. And her style and voice were two of my favorite things about her. She is/was beautiful, but it was always the voice of a performer I try to listen to, not how hot they are.
Yup. So, here at college things are pretty busy. Mid terms, spring breaks, and tons of crap due. It's hard to find time to do the reading I want to do. I've progressed maybe a single chapter in I am A Strange Loop since I last wrote. But at least I figured out what I'm doing for a roommate next year and where I'll be living. This is a good thing. Yes, yes it is.
Also, I'm wondering if one of my friends might be harboring feelings for me. She's taking a bit more of an interest in me lately, walking with me after classes and helping me study and such. She is a nice person, so it could just be charity, or that she's finally decided that we're officially friends, I dunno. Either way I'll see how it goes, but if she does actually have an interest in me. What do I do? She's my friend. I like her as that, could I like her as more? Should I like her as more? She does meet a few of my general standards. Shallow bastard that I am, I like my girls skinny. She is. I've been wanting to date a girl of her particular hair color for a while, and she has it. I don't want to date dumb girls, she's definately not dumb. But, she does talk a lot. And is quite loud and brash, not too mention possibly too sweet for me.
Seems weird right? One minute I'm complaining about how I want someone, the next I'm saying that someone is too sweet for me, and doesnt meet my standards. I don't find it too weird in all honesty. I'm not a desperate person, I get along fine being alone despite bouts of loneliness. But overall I live a pretty good life. I have a pillow to cuddle at night, so why should I need more?
...wow that last bit sounds more pathetic than it did in my head
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Funny how all that works out
Ah, Well. Here we go again. The blind leading the blind!
Seriously though, I've given relationship advice for last 4 or 5 nights in a row. To a variety of people, not just the same person over and over again. Isn't that a little strange? Seriously. Why can I give everyone else good advice, but can't seem to find any that helps me out?
Maybe its just the whole objective view point of thing. Like, not being in the situation allows me to have a higher order view of it all. So I can pick out the variables and analyze them all. Given a set of conditions and variables, and some type of general outline of what to do. I can generally figure out what needs to be done. And what someone is missing. So I suppose that's why I give good advice. Now if only I could pick apart my own head. Figure out why I love the people I can never have, play the people I'll never want, and hate the people whom I should never have hated. It makes no sense. I wish I could just figure it all out, or find someone with the answers. But when it comes down to it, I know I'm the only one who can actually solve my own problems. So why do I have to so chickenshit about it?
In unrelated news, I've found a new band I like. Wir Sind Helden. They're a upbeat german alternative rock group, and after hearing my roommate play Wenn ich Passiert. (When it happens) I went and downloaded two albums by them. Yay internet and music!
Seriously though, I've given relationship advice for last 4 or 5 nights in a row. To a variety of people, not just the same person over and over again. Isn't that a little strange? Seriously. Why can I give everyone else good advice, but can't seem to find any that helps me out?
Maybe its just the whole objective view point of thing. Like, not being in the situation allows me to have a higher order view of it all. So I can pick out the variables and analyze them all. Given a set of conditions and variables, and some type of general outline of what to do. I can generally figure out what needs to be done. And what someone is missing. So I suppose that's why I give good advice. Now if only I could pick apart my own head. Figure out why I love the people I can never have, play the people I'll never want, and hate the people whom I should never have hated. It makes no sense. I wish I could just figure it all out, or find someone with the answers. But when it comes down to it, I know I'm the only one who can actually solve my own problems. So why do I have to so chickenshit about it?
In unrelated news, I've found a new band I like. Wir Sind Helden. They're a upbeat german alternative rock group, and after hearing my roommate play Wenn ich Passiert. (When it happens) I went and downloaded two albums by them. Yay internet and music!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Jealousy and Loopiness as well as a screw up dream.
What to start with first? I suppose the code and more interesting things. A'la not my rantings about my dreams and feelings, because let's face it. If anyone is reading this, it's because they found the previous projects I was working on interesting. Anyway.
I am a Strange Loop is a fantastic book so far, I'm somewhere near chapter 13 I believe. I don't really pay attention to what chapter I'm on, I just read. But it's finally getting down from the requirements of understanding to the nitty gritty of the main idea of the book. Of how ourselves and our brains compose a strange loop. It's really interesting and I recommend it to anyone.
I recently got my grade on a paper I wrote for a required class that teaches diversity. I got an 85. Which is ok. But the professor completely misunderstands me. First off, the professor is to focused on proper MLA formatting and writing conventions from middle school to understand what I'm trying to do in my paper. Also, she reads the paper as if it were addressed to her, and not a piece reflecting on the articles and materials we've viewed so far.
She dislikes, and removes points from my paper, for not having a paragraph that implicitly states what my paper is about. Introductory paragraphs are for people who can't write and feel the need to dumb down their writing for their audience. I learned in high school, and middle school, and elementary school, and college level writing classes. That the first paragraph needs to be strong, assertive and captivating. The point of a introductory paragraph is to hook the reader into your paper. To make them want to read your paper. And she misses the point completely. Also, when I read through the comments on my paper and see that she has said: "LOL" in response to a view things, I can't take her, her class, or her grading scheme seriously. It reeks of bullshit. Also, am I the only one who see's the word "ilk" as a negatively connotative word?
Ugh, enough of that. For the last two nights I've had dreams that involved being chased. The first one was about being chased by the cops and helping my friends run away as well. Literally taking their hand and hauling them over a fence with me so they can escape. And last night I had a really screwed up dream. It almost seems like a good plot for a movie.
It started out with going to this girls apartment and finding her sister tied naked to the floor. Legs and arms spread out like that diagram that you see in all the meta-physiology books. Anyway, so ignoring that, the girl and I go in the next room and start going at it until we hear the sister scream. And then we have to run in and she's being eaten by mice. Hundreds of them. So we run over and kick them away, and then for whatever reason, we begin to pleasure the sister. Not with penetrative sex, but with teasing, biting, and caressing. We do this, and then the girl cuts a paragraph into her sister's arm. Saying that her turn as the devil is done, and that it's my turn. They want to tie me up and leave me their until I go insane enough that I write some paragraph into my arm. So I run. And run. And I'm being chased by these girls who show up everywhere. And in my dream, years pass of being chased it feels like. Never a moment given up. My dream ended with me still running. But the dream continued in my subconscious as I was regaining consciousness. And I knew the end of what would happen. I didn't need to be caught and tied up, each person's insanity is different. And in the moment you cut that paragraph into yourself you die. The two sisters were already dead, their dark eulogies written. And being chased by them was my path to insanity. My way into the dark.
So yeah, I feel like that could make a good movie. And now, the last bit of this blog before I go do some damn homework. Jealousy. I looked at my friends post onto facebook, her status was that she was so happy that she's finally with someone who is also giving 100% to the relationship she's in. Because now they're both giving their all. Bla bla bla. I'm happy that she's happy. Or at least I tell myself that.
But I'm jealous. So jealous of her happiness. Why does it seem that everyone else is always happy? I'm left alone with no one to hold, friends to hold me? Sure, but friends aren't everything, once you've had a true relationship then you feel incomplete without someone else. Humans by nature require this. And sadly, I am human. Were I able to transcend this mortal coil! If I could copy my self into the electronic I would in a heartbeat. Model my brain in a computer. Give the computer limbs to move. Find out what happens. The sheer knowledge, so fast, so glorious! Anyway, back to the point. I'm jealous of her, and of everyone else who has someone. And I'm sick of it.
I am a Strange Loop is a fantastic book so far, I'm somewhere near chapter 13 I believe. I don't really pay attention to what chapter I'm on, I just read. But it's finally getting down from the requirements of understanding to the nitty gritty of the main idea of the book. Of how ourselves and our brains compose a strange loop. It's really interesting and I recommend it to anyone.
I recently got my grade on a paper I wrote for a required class that teaches diversity. I got an 85. Which is ok. But the professor completely misunderstands me. First off, the professor is to focused on proper MLA formatting and writing conventions from middle school to understand what I'm trying to do in my paper. Also, she reads the paper as if it were addressed to her, and not a piece reflecting on the articles and materials we've viewed so far.
She dislikes, and removes points from my paper, for not having a paragraph that implicitly states what my paper is about. Introductory paragraphs are for people who can't write and feel the need to dumb down their writing for their audience. I learned in high school, and middle school, and elementary school, and college level writing classes. That the first paragraph needs to be strong, assertive and captivating. The point of a introductory paragraph is to hook the reader into your paper. To make them want to read your paper. And she misses the point completely. Also, when I read through the comments on my paper and see that she has said: "LOL" in response to a view things, I can't take her, her class, or her grading scheme seriously. It reeks of bullshit. Also, am I the only one who see's the word "ilk" as a negatively connotative word?
Ugh, enough of that. For the last two nights I've had dreams that involved being chased. The first one was about being chased by the cops and helping my friends run away as well. Literally taking their hand and hauling them over a fence with me so they can escape. And last night I had a really screwed up dream. It almost seems like a good plot for a movie.
It started out with going to this girls apartment and finding her sister tied naked to the floor. Legs and arms spread out like that diagram that you see in all the meta-physiology books. Anyway, so ignoring that, the girl and I go in the next room and start going at it until we hear the sister scream. And then we have to run in and she's being eaten by mice. Hundreds of them. So we run over and kick them away, and then for whatever reason, we begin to pleasure the sister. Not with penetrative sex, but with teasing, biting, and caressing. We do this, and then the girl cuts a paragraph into her sister's arm. Saying that her turn as the devil is done, and that it's my turn. They want to tie me up and leave me their until I go insane enough that I write some paragraph into my arm. So I run. And run. And I'm being chased by these girls who show up everywhere. And in my dream, years pass of being chased it feels like. Never a moment given up. My dream ended with me still running. But the dream continued in my subconscious as I was regaining consciousness. And I knew the end of what would happen. I didn't need to be caught and tied up, each person's insanity is different. And in the moment you cut that paragraph into yourself you die. The two sisters were already dead, their dark eulogies written. And being chased by them was my path to insanity. My way into the dark.
So yeah, I feel like that could make a good movie. And now, the last bit of this blog before I go do some damn homework. Jealousy. I looked at my friends post onto facebook, her status was that she was so happy that she's finally with someone who is also giving 100% to the relationship she's in. Because now they're both giving their all. Bla bla bla. I'm happy that she's happy. Or at least I tell myself that.
But I'm jealous. So jealous of her happiness. Why does it seem that everyone else is always happy? I'm left alone with no one to hold, friends to hold me? Sure, but friends aren't everything, once you've had a true relationship then you feel incomplete without someone else. Humans by nature require this. And sadly, I am human. Were I able to transcend this mortal coil! If I could copy my self into the electronic I would in a heartbeat. Model my brain in a computer. Give the computer limbs to move. Find out what happens. The sheer knowledge, so fast, so glorious! Anyway, back to the point. I'm jealous of her, and of everyone else who has someone. And I'm sick of it.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Binary Heap! splaying of emotions
So I've come to realize, after my data structures class today. That the method of modelling a Binary Tree with an Array that I was doing was in all actuality, a binary heap. Granted I came up with the methods of index access and such a week into my class when I didn't even know what a binary heap was, but still, I was on the right road. It's awesome. I'm decently happy with myself that I actually fundamentally understood and created a structure that was conceived of by brilliant minds who've come before me. And in fact, maybe even be alive today. It fills me with excitement for the future possibilities of my life.
Also, after discussing splay trees and studying their runtime and structure. I've determined that if someone would try to model the human emotion. They would use a splay tree. Because emotions that are accessed often, are often accessed again. For example, if someone is angry. Even if you cheer them up and calm them down, we all know it doesn't take much more to set them off again. And a person in a happy mood will be hard to get out of easily.
Another idea I had today was to write a python program that would export a picture of a binary tree. Using the height of the tree as it's measure, it would create a picture that would scale the tree so that it would fit neatly onto the picture. I've already a few ideas on how to do this. The cool thing I think, would be to have it read from a text file, specified to be in a specific traversal order, and then export the picture. Or perhaps even read from the text file and organize the data itself?
All these ideas, and so little time to actually implement them.
Oh! Also, my sister visited me and brought me a very nice 88 key keyboard. Using this I've begun learning Mandy by Barry Manilow. I'm 16 or so measure in now, 10-12 or which I can play quite comfortably. I do love making music!
The other day I started messing around with my webcam. Specifically on Video Feedback. Aka, pointing the webcam at it's output on the computer screen. Creating an infinite loop of awesome. I created a couple videos as well. There were some really cool effects.
Also, after discussing splay trees and studying their runtime and structure. I've determined that if someone would try to model the human emotion. They would use a splay tree. Because emotions that are accessed often, are often accessed again. For example, if someone is angry. Even if you cheer them up and calm them down, we all know it doesn't take much more to set them off again. And a person in a happy mood will be hard to get out of easily.
Another idea I had today was to write a python program that would export a picture of a binary tree. Using the height of the tree as it's measure, it would create a picture that would scale the tree so that it would fit neatly onto the picture. I've already a few ideas on how to do this. The cool thing I think, would be to have it read from a text file, specified to be in a specific traversal order, and then export the picture. Or perhaps even read from the text file and organize the data itself?
All these ideas, and so little time to actually implement them.
Oh! Also, my sister visited me and brought me a very nice 88 key keyboard. Using this I've begun learning Mandy by Barry Manilow. I'm 16 or so measure in now, 10-12 or which I can play quite comfortably. I do love making music!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Holy Fuck
I just read the first paragraph of my new book: I am a Strange Loop by Douglas Hofstadter, and in that glorious moment, I felt kinship and like I was reading something written by myself. That is all.
The Alienist, falling again... Hedgehogs!
Well, I've just finished reading a book my friend Kaytie gave to me. The Alienist is an exceptionally well written book about a serial killer and how he was stopped sometime in the late 1800's or early 1900's. Not really sure, but it does have President Roosevelt as one of the characters which is pretty interesting. Anyway, it's a brilliant piece of work and if you get a chance you should read it. It's a bit slow to start but overall fantastic!
Anyway, so I've been a bit... I suppose for lack of better word, depressed, recently. I don't know what it is, but I'm just in a very blah-ish mood all the time. And I've been trying to figure out why. Of course, immediately answers pop up but I think they're close, but not quite the real reason. Some of the reasons are of course, lack of girlfriend, lack of attention emotionally or physically. Lack of an outlet or way of regulating my moods. Etc. Such as lack of, a certain activity which I did quite regularly last semester as a stress relieve and now I am without due to... certain time arrangements. Vague enough for you all? I thought so. Anyway though, so without that nice bit of endocrines in me I am left to trying to find other ways of amusement. Unfortunately, no female company is forthcoming so I've actually been talking to a lot of my friends online, however text can only do so much when what you actually want is physical contact.
Anyway, I think the real reason I'm having these moodish periods punctuated by happiness is that. Unfortunately for me, I'm falling in love again. Or at least building the foundations of one in my head. Which is seriously unfortunate for me, because this girl I'm falling for. Won't be around for too much longer. Not too mention there are other complications. Unfortunately, I've shared a link to my dream post with her, and she did enjoy my writing, so that might mean she'll see some of these posts, which means that the whole point of this blog is semi destroyed. Because in reality this blog represents a few things.
It allows me to postulate and archive my evolution as a programmer and coder, and see myself reaching new levels of interest and education. It also satisfies my need for talking to people when there are none around. As there are now. My roommate is out with some of our mutual friends, however I stayed in and finished my book, and am now doing this, SPEAK OF THE DEVIL, my roommate just walked in. Anyway, where was I. Right, this blog satisfies a need to reach out and to tell someone what I feel, what I'm doing, and what I ... am, I guess. It's like in the Alienist how Kreizler was talking about how serial killers want to tell people about their killings and stuff and whatnot. Only I'm not... a serial killer, but I do like to toot my horn a bit about coding projects I do and other things. Similar I'm sure, all those poor bytes dying to satisfy my programming needs! changing gender from 0 to 1 and back again so many times. Good lord, the electricity of it all!
Perverse analogies aside. Yeah, all I really want is to have someone to talk to. And it always seems like no one is interested in me, or putting me as a priority contact, or someone they want to talk to alot. It's always me who initiates the conversation, and I just wish that sometime, it could be the other way around. ugh.
Seriously, I don't want to fall in love again. Hedgehog's dilemna
Anyway, so I've been a bit... I suppose for lack of better word, depressed, recently. I don't know what it is, but I'm just in a very blah-ish mood all the time. And I've been trying to figure out why. Of course, immediately answers pop up but I think they're close, but not quite the real reason. Some of the reasons are of course, lack of girlfriend, lack of attention emotionally or physically. Lack of an outlet or way of regulating my moods. Etc. Such as lack of, a certain activity which I did quite regularly last semester as a stress relieve and now I am without due to... certain time arrangements. Vague enough for you all? I thought so. Anyway though, so without that nice bit of endocrines in me I am left to trying to find other ways of amusement. Unfortunately, no female company is forthcoming so I've actually been talking to a lot of my friends online, however text can only do so much when what you actually want is physical contact.
Anyway, I think the real reason I'm having these moodish periods punctuated by happiness is that. Unfortunately for me, I'm falling in love again. Or at least building the foundations of one in my head. Which is seriously unfortunate for me, because this girl I'm falling for. Won't be around for too much longer. Not too mention there are other complications. Unfortunately, I've shared a link to my dream post with her, and she did enjoy my writing, so that might mean she'll see some of these posts, which means that the whole point of this blog is semi destroyed. Because in reality this blog represents a few things.
It allows me to postulate and archive my evolution as a programmer and coder, and see myself reaching new levels of interest and education. It also satisfies my need for talking to people when there are none around. As there are now. My roommate is out with some of our mutual friends, however I stayed in and finished my book, and am now doing this, SPEAK OF THE DEVIL, my roommate just walked in. Anyway, where was I. Right, this blog satisfies a need to reach out and to tell someone what I feel, what I'm doing, and what I ... am, I guess. It's like in the Alienist how Kreizler was talking about how serial killers want to tell people about their killings and stuff and whatnot. Only I'm not... a serial killer, but I do like to toot my horn a bit about coding projects I do and other things. Similar I'm sure, all those poor bytes dying to satisfy my programming needs! changing gender from 0 to 1 and back again so many times. Good lord, the electricity of it all!
Perverse analogies aside. Yeah, all I really want is to have someone to talk to. And it always seems like no one is interested in me, or putting me as a priority contact, or someone they want to talk to alot. It's always me who initiates the conversation, and I just wish that sometime, it could be the other way around. ugh.
Seriously, I don't want to fall in love again. Hedgehog's dilemna
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Dream
They were sitting together him and her, talking. I know not what they spoke of, but he could make her smile and they were close. Then, a bit hesitantly, he leaned over and kissed her. He smiled, she looked at him and spoke. She said something back and kissed him. Halfway torn between a smile and a kiss, it wasn't full. But the next one certainly was. As they gave into their passion, she moved from next to him to sitting sideways on him; her arms draped around his neck. As she pulled away from a kiss, she let her tongue gently lick his lip. He understood, as he ran his hands up her back and into her hair, he kissed her with the passion he had concealed for years. His and her tongue met and their embrace grew tighter, and she let out a soft moan.
She pulled at his shirt as she arced her back, pulling at it as he pulled her hair back to begin kissing her neck. Soft murmurs of happiness drifted from her parted lips. She pulled his shirt up and over his head, having her turn at his neck. He moaned quietly as she kissed his sensitive spots and twisted so he could lay on her. She smiled as she brought him down with her, still intent on keeping his noises going. They excited her and she wanted him just as badly as he wanted her. She ran her hand down the hairs on his chest, following them down to his pants. But before she got there his hand was over hers, bringing it up over her head to where her other was already entwined with his. Her hands in one hand, his other caressed her side. Moving over the soft curve of her breast on its way to remove her blouse.
He lifted her shirt slowly, with both hands, kissing as he lifted. A kiss on the stomach, lift a little more, a kiss a little higher. It was driving her wild, her hands no longer restrained she grabbed at his hair, seeking to pull his face to hers so she could quell her longings for his lips. But he resisted, pulling her shirt up to her face he kissed in between her breasts and ran his tongue up to her neck. Giving a gentle nibble and kiss to each side of the neck before pulling the shirt completely off her.
With no shirt in the way she pulled him against her, kissing him once again while the heat of their bodies melded. She turned and rolled her way on top of him, smiling at him as he lay there. Hands running down his chest again, she began kissing his stomach. Doing to him what he had done to her, but when she ended near his neck she nestled against him and unclasped her bra. He didn't look down at them but instead steadily gazed into her eyes as his hands began to knead and massage her breasts. She let out a small gasp as he tweaked her nipples lightly. He asked her if it had felt good with his eyes. Her response was a kiss. She pulled away from him, getting up and taking off her pants before seductively moving past him.
He gazed at her, her beautiful figure, from her long brunette hair to her black panties, and he reached out, gently cradling her bottom with his hands as he rose to get behind her. Arcing over her, he pulled her head sideways to kiss her. She arced her back and and rubbed her rear against his pants, feeling his longing for her. He kissed again and she turned and pulled his pants downward. He kissed her again and felt her hands across his chest as he pulled off his pants completely. Her hands moved from his front, to his back scraping her nails down his back. He gasped in pleasure, and got on top of her, rubbing his hips against her and teasing her.
She loved the pressure of his body against hers and how their hands explored each other. She might have had thoughts about how his lovemaking would be before, but nothing compared to how perfectly in sync they were. He tested, and listened to her sounds, finding things she loved that she didn't she loved. Their bodies moved with and against each other in rhythm. Bringing them ever closer to a pinnacle of ecstasy, he'd get her closer and closer and right as she thought she might scream, he'd bring her down again. Then edge her closer and closer again. Barely thinking she grabbed him and rolled so she could be on top, be in control of this insane ride. She rode him like he had her, watching his face and motions, feeling him move inside and ever edging him closer, but always backing down. Carrying on like this until they were both in such a state that they could no longer control themselves. Sitting up and pulling her with him, he lifted her up and then down again as they both moaned and screamed together, culminating in one euphoric moment where they looked into each others eyes and for a moment, shared a single soul. Everything they were, everything they are, and everything they would be was in that moment. And then after, they collapsed in a state of bliss, still folded together, perfectly relaxed and lovingly juxtaposed. They kissed again, gently letting the most simple and caring 3 words fall out of their mouths at the same time. They smiled as they realized that, and moved closer together and fell asleep.
This was the dream I had last night, with who I won't say. But wow. If reality could play out like that. Just wow.
She pulled at his shirt as she arced her back, pulling at it as he pulled her hair back to begin kissing her neck. Soft murmurs of happiness drifted from her parted lips. She pulled his shirt up and over his head, having her turn at his neck. He moaned quietly as she kissed his sensitive spots and twisted so he could lay on her. She smiled as she brought him down with her, still intent on keeping his noises going. They excited her and she wanted him just as badly as he wanted her. She ran her hand down the hairs on his chest, following them down to his pants. But before she got there his hand was over hers, bringing it up over her head to where her other was already entwined with his. Her hands in one hand, his other caressed her side. Moving over the soft curve of her breast on its way to remove her blouse.
He lifted her shirt slowly, with both hands, kissing as he lifted. A kiss on the stomach, lift a little more, a kiss a little higher. It was driving her wild, her hands no longer restrained she grabbed at his hair, seeking to pull his face to hers so she could quell her longings for his lips. But he resisted, pulling her shirt up to her face he kissed in between her breasts and ran his tongue up to her neck. Giving a gentle nibble and kiss to each side of the neck before pulling the shirt completely off her.
With no shirt in the way she pulled him against her, kissing him once again while the heat of their bodies melded. She turned and rolled her way on top of him, smiling at him as he lay there. Hands running down his chest again, she began kissing his stomach. Doing to him what he had done to her, but when she ended near his neck she nestled against him and unclasped her bra. He didn't look down at them but instead steadily gazed into her eyes as his hands began to knead and massage her breasts. She let out a small gasp as he tweaked her nipples lightly. He asked her if it had felt good with his eyes. Her response was a kiss. She pulled away from him, getting up and taking off her pants before seductively moving past him.
He gazed at her, her beautiful figure, from her long brunette hair to her black panties, and he reached out, gently cradling her bottom with his hands as he rose to get behind her. Arcing over her, he pulled her head sideways to kiss her. She arced her back and and rubbed her rear against his pants, feeling his longing for her. He kissed again and she turned and pulled his pants downward. He kissed her again and felt her hands across his chest as he pulled off his pants completely. Her hands moved from his front, to his back scraping her nails down his back. He gasped in pleasure, and got on top of her, rubbing his hips against her and teasing her.
She loved the pressure of his body against hers and how their hands explored each other. She might have had thoughts about how his lovemaking would be before, but nothing compared to how perfectly in sync they were. He tested, and listened to her sounds, finding things she loved that she didn't she loved. Their bodies moved with and against each other in rhythm. Bringing them ever closer to a pinnacle of ecstasy, he'd get her closer and closer and right as she thought she might scream, he'd bring her down again. Then edge her closer and closer again. Barely thinking she grabbed him and rolled so she could be on top, be in control of this insane ride. She rode him like he had her, watching his face and motions, feeling him move inside and ever edging him closer, but always backing down. Carrying on like this until they were both in such a state that they could no longer control themselves. Sitting up and pulling her with him, he lifted her up and then down again as they both moaned and screamed together, culminating in one euphoric moment where they looked into each others eyes and for a moment, shared a single soul. Everything they were, everything they are, and everything they would be was in that moment. And then after, they collapsed in a state of bliss, still folded together, perfectly relaxed and lovingly juxtaposed. They kissed again, gently letting the most simple and caring 3 words fall out of their mouths at the same time. They smiled as they realized that, and moved closer together and fell asleep.
This was the dream I had last night, with who I won't say. But wow. If reality could play out like that. Just wow.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Binary Trees and Time
So, I've learned from my class, and from my own musings that to maintain a self balancing tree, you need to do rotations. When I was brainstorming on my whiteboard I knew what I'd want to be doing, but after learning about zig-zig, zig-zag and the variations of (there are only 4 in an AVL tree) I feel like I would have arrived at such a conclusion after another week or so of pondering.
It would have taken only a matter of days or maybe hours had I been able to actually have some time to really think about this stuff. But my schedule this semester sucks, I've got way too much/little time in between classes. And while I do my homework between classes, I almost always have to immediately go to another class before I can start anything new, or explore my brain a little bit. Once my classes are over, I have about an hour or so before I need to go to bed so I can wake up for an 8:30 class. You'd think weekends would be better? But I need money, so I work. Which is really nice, you know money and all. Except for the fact that the check from the company is overdue by a week at the moment. And I'd love to know why, because if I'm not getting paid, then my time is wasted and there are many things I need to do with my time.
Ugh, I hate not having time and feeling pressed for time like this at the time. Especially after a semester of a very very nice semester.
I've started working on the Latimer-Zerachiel System again, and I've gotten the chat boxes talking to each other, but for some reason they're not executing the commands. The problems more than that, but my time is pressed so I gotta stop writing. Ugh.
It would have taken only a matter of days or maybe hours had I been able to actually have some time to really think about this stuff. But my schedule this semester sucks, I've got way too much/little time in between classes. And while I do my homework between classes, I almost always have to immediately go to another class before I can start anything new, or explore my brain a little bit. Once my classes are over, I have about an hour or so before I need to go to bed so I can wake up for an 8:30 class. You'd think weekends would be better? But I need money, so I work. Which is really nice, you know money and all. Except for the fact that the check from the company is overdue by a week at the moment. And I'd love to know why, because if I'm not getting paid, then my time is wasted and there are many things I need to do with my time.
Ugh, I hate not having time and feeling pressed for time like this at the time. Especially after a semester of a very very nice semester.
I've started working on the Latimer-Zerachiel System again, and I've gotten the chat boxes talking to each other, but for some reason they're not executing the commands. The problems more than that, but my time is pressed so I gotta stop writing. Ugh.
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