PAX East

Why do people have such a huge issue with gender bending?

Yesterday was my second time bending my gender a bit for fun and amusement. On halloween I dressed up like a girl to get laughs out of my friends. And it worked. It was harmless fun. But my ex really didn't like it and got upset at me. Yesterday I went to PAX East dressed as Youmu Konpaku from Touhou, and I had my friend make my costume and teach me how to do makeup so that I'd be able to pull off the cosplay well. Right now both my parents are assaulting me with questions about why their son is looking like a daughter.

Seriously what the fuck. Take a goddamn chill pill. It wasn't even my idea to begin with. My friend D asked if I wanted to go to PAX, liking video games I said yes. She wanted to cosplay as Nova from Starcraft, but she didn't want to be the only person cosplaying. So I told her I would cosplay with her. She was looking for ideas and then remembered that I had dressed up as a girl for halloween. So with an evil little smile she asked me if I would cosplay as a girl with her. I don't have a problem putting on different clothes. They're just clothes. I am who I am, so it doesn't bother me what I wear as long as I make it look good.

So I said yes. And we looked around and eventually I decided on Youmu because I play as her when I play Touhou and she had a simple outfit that my friend could make really easily. Over the last couple months we've planned it out and this past week really finished everything up. My friend waited a bit to make my costume, (she's got tons of homework all the time and is really busy) and ended up staying up all night finishing the blouse and not being able to finish the vest. Which is sad because it would have tied the whole thing together, and I was a bit sad because the vest is what would have really said "Hey I'm Youmu!" But that's ok because this random asian dude recognized who I was so I gave him a high five and it made my day.

I got to meet up with my friend E who I haven't seen in a year, I was with my friend A, it was funny. He was like: Oh hey its A, and whose this chick with him, oh god I know you!!! It was really funny.

I got to play Steel Battalion Line of Contact and won 1st place in every match I played, which made me smile because the idea of a guy dressed up as a dollish girl beating a bunch of people is funny to me.

Those were the fun bits, well, being dressed up as a character you like is fun in itself. Doesn't matter if it's a girl or boy. If you're cosplaying something you like you cosplay it. No one cares if you have to gender bend, or at least no one at the convention. People are plenty amused when you can pull it off. And it makes you feel good when you do.

It's not that I'm trying to be something I'm not. I'm being who I am. Who I am is someone who has fun. Who doesn't care if people think I'm weird for pretending to be the other gender. Honestly, why should I care what you think about what I'm doing? People's oppinions are there own and why I base a lot of things off other peoples opinions (See previous blogs posts about perception) when it comes down to it, who you are is who you let yourself be and what you allow to affect you. Whether or not I look like a boy or a girl doesn't matter.

There are plenty of countries out there where there are more than 2 recognized genders. Why does the US have to be so damn binary about it? I hate being minimalized and made to feel like there's something wrong with me because I like to do stuff that other people don't (And sometimes refuse to) understand.

People are just so judgemental and it's really hard to deal with when it's your own family or someone close to you passing that judgement about something that you really love to do. I love cosplaying as a character I like. And if I cosplay, then I will do it the best I can. If I cosplay a girl then I'm going to make myself as passable and attractive girl as I can. I sent a pic to my friend M and she showed it to her lesbian friend and she ranked me an 8. Which made me pretty happy considering that I don't think of myself as an attractive guy, so it's nice to know that when I do pretend to be someone else it works out and makes me seem more attractive. Because being considered attractive is really nice. I don't care if I look like a boy or girl, if you look attractive you look attractive and that's nice. Compliments are compliments.

GAH! I had a lot of fun being dressed up. I knew that there would be people who wouldn't understand how I can 'be ok' with dressing up. And that would just be like : Well He's obviously fucked in the head becuase he doesn't conform to my idea of gender role. Well fuck you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you. I knew that there would be people like that. But I didn't expect it to be my own parents.

Seriously. Fuck off so I can do some science in peace. Maybe I'll dress up like a girl just to fucking spite all of you. Teach you that I really don't give a shit about what you think. My friend E had that crafty look on his face and he almost made a bet with me then decided against it because the last bet he made with me he lost. (He bet me 20 bucks that I wouldn't listen to the inception horn 10 hour long video straight. I did it and recorded it for proof and he gave me 20 bucks). It was funny when he started asking it, "hmmm noo no I wont do that" "what?" "I was gonna make a bet with you to go around like that for a week but I know you'll do it and I'll lose money so no" "haha I would do it hah!"

GAH. I'm alternating between remembering the good parts of being dressed up and how fun it was, and how angry I am at people who have such an issue with it. Why? Why did they have to phrase there goddamn questions like that. "Why does my son look like a daughter?" As if there's something wrong with that. Fuck your tone. Fuck your prejudice. Fuck your judgement on something that I love. fuck you

In a single word I think I can sum this all up. FUCK