Walking and writing

Sometimes you need to write.

For some people, its hard to express yourself with words, especially face to face. You have a storm of emotions churning inside of you and trying to escape but somehow nothing will come out. You're burning inside but somehow so numb. That moment when you know you've upset someone you care about. I don't even know to describe it. Its like a getting hit in the face by a wall. You can almost hear the inaudible tick of the gears in their brain spinning and suddenly grinding to a halt. And all of a sudden, all the trust you've gained is thrown out the window.

Why? Why do things from the past fuck up things in the present? Every time. If it's not the emotions leftover from someone before, its something you forgot to delete or just something. There's no excuse for it. Why can't I be the boyfriend I want to be? Why can't I ever be good enough?

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Just got home from a walk with a friend. He helped calm me down a little, he's a very logical person and has a good way of filling the air with banter. Which is really what you need when you want to mill something over --outside oppinions. He helped me see that maybe I was overthinking everything, its not something I should be getting upset over. Telling me that a reasonable person would understand the situation and maybe need a little space to get over the initial shock, but then would be fine with it. It was nice. I don't know how much I agree with his viewpoints, but going for a good hour and a half walk with him really did help. Not to mention the orange juice.

When I'm upset I walk. When I'm bored I walk. When I'm mad I walk. When I'm sad I walk. No matter what I'm doing, walking is always something that I love to do and it helps me. I feel like its similar to running for my high school friend Jackie. Who would run and that would help her feel good and think things out. Maybe its because running helps give the brain that little distraction so that it doesn't over think things or get stuck in a rut. Walking helps me do the same I think.

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