What to start with first? I suppose the code and more interesting things. A'la not my rantings about my dreams and feelings, because let's face it. If anyone is reading this, it's because they found the previous projects I was working on interesting. Anyway.
I am a Strange Loop is a fantastic book so far, I'm somewhere near chapter 13 I believe. I don't really pay attention to what chapter I'm on, I just read. But it's finally getting down from the requirements of understanding to the nitty gritty of the main idea of the book. Of how ourselves and our brains compose a strange loop. It's really interesting and I recommend it to anyone.
I recently got my grade on a paper I wrote for a required class that teaches diversity. I got an 85. Which is ok. But the professor completely misunderstands me. First off, the professor is to focused on proper MLA formatting and writing conventions from middle school to understand what I'm trying to do in my paper. Also, she reads the paper as if it were addressed to her, and not a piece reflecting on the articles and materials we've viewed so far.
She dislikes, and removes points from my paper, for not having a paragraph that implicitly states what my paper is about. Introductory paragraphs are for people who can't write and feel the need to dumb down their writing for their audience. I learned in high school, and middle school, and elementary school, and college level writing classes. That the first paragraph needs to be strong, assertive and captivating. The point of a introductory paragraph is to hook the reader into your paper. To make them want to read your paper. And she misses the point completely. Also, when I read through the comments on my paper and see that she has said: "LOL" in response to a view things, I can't take her, her class, or her grading scheme seriously. It reeks of bullshit. Also, am I the only one who see's the word "ilk" as a negatively connotative word?
Ugh, enough of that. For the last two nights I've had dreams that involved being chased. The first one was about being chased by the cops and helping my friends run away as well. Literally taking their hand and hauling them over a fence with me so they can escape. And last night I had a really screwed up dream. It almost seems like a good plot for a movie.
It started out with going to this girls apartment and finding her sister tied naked to the floor. Legs and arms spread out like that diagram that you see in all the meta-physiology books. Anyway, so ignoring that, the girl and I go in the next room and start going at it until we hear the sister scream. And then we have to run in and she's being eaten by mice. Hundreds of them. So we run over and kick them away, and then for whatever reason, we begin to pleasure the sister. Not with penetrative sex, but with teasing, biting, and caressing. We do this, and then the girl cuts a paragraph into her sister's arm. Saying that her turn as the devil is done, and that it's my turn. They want to tie me up and leave me their until I go insane enough that I write some paragraph into my arm. So I run. And run. And I'm being chased by these girls who show up everywhere. And in my dream, years pass of being chased it feels like. Never a moment given up. My dream ended with me still running. But the dream continued in my subconscious as I was regaining consciousness. And I knew the end of what would happen. I didn't need to be caught and tied up, each person's insanity is different. And in the moment you cut that paragraph into yourself you die. The two sisters were already dead, their dark eulogies written. And being chased by them was my path to insanity. My way into the dark.
So yeah, I feel like that could make a good movie. And now, the last bit of this blog before I go do some damn homework. Jealousy. I looked at my friends post onto facebook, her status was that she was so happy that she's finally with someone who is also giving 100% to the relationship she's in. Because now they're both giving their all. Bla bla bla. I'm happy that she's happy. Or at least I tell myself that.
But I'm jealous. So jealous of her happiness. Why does it seem that everyone else is always happy? I'm left alone with no one to hold, friends to hold me? Sure, but friends aren't everything, once you've had a true relationship then you feel incomplete without someone else. Humans by nature require this. And sadly, I am human. Were I able to transcend this mortal coil! If I could copy my self into the electronic I would in a heartbeat. Model my brain in a computer. Give the computer limbs to move. Find out what happens. The sheer knowledge, so fast, so glorious! Anyway, back to the point. I'm jealous of her, and of everyone else who has someone. And I'm sick of it.
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