Well, I've just finished reading a book my friend Kaytie gave to me. The Alienist is an exceptionally well written book about a serial killer and how he was stopped sometime in the late 1800's or early 1900's. Not really sure, but it does have President Roosevelt as one of the characters which is pretty interesting. Anyway, it's a brilliant piece of work and if you get a chance you should read it. It's a bit slow to start but overall fantastic!
Anyway, so I've been a bit... I suppose for lack of better word, depressed, recently. I don't know what it is, but I'm just in a very blah-ish mood all the time. And I've been trying to figure out why. Of course, immediately answers pop up but I think they're close, but not quite the real reason. Some of the reasons are of course, lack of girlfriend, lack of attention emotionally or physically. Lack of an outlet or way of regulating my moods. Etc. Such as lack of, a certain activity which I did quite regularly last semester as a stress relieve and now I am without due to... certain time arrangements. Vague enough for you all? I thought so. Anyway though, so without that nice bit of endocrines in me I am left to trying to find other ways of amusement. Unfortunately, no female company is forthcoming so I've actually been talking to a lot of my friends online, however text can only do so much when what you actually want is physical contact.
Anyway, I think the real reason I'm having these moodish periods punctuated by happiness is that. Unfortunately for me, I'm falling in love again. Or at least building the foundations of one in my head. Which is seriously unfortunate for me, because this girl I'm falling for. Won't be around for too much longer. Not too mention there are other complications. Unfortunately, I've shared a link to my dream post with her, and she did enjoy my writing, so that might mean she'll see some of these posts, which means that the whole point of this blog is semi destroyed. Because in reality this blog represents a few things.
It allows me to postulate and archive my evolution as a programmer and coder, and see myself reaching new levels of interest and education. It also satisfies my need for talking to people when there are none around. As there are now. My roommate is out with some of our mutual friends, however I stayed in and finished my book, and am now doing this, SPEAK OF THE DEVIL, my roommate just walked in. Anyway, where was I. Right, this blog satisfies a need to reach out and to tell someone what I feel, what I'm doing, and what I ... am, I guess. It's like in the Alienist how Kreizler was talking about how serial killers want to tell people about their killings and stuff and whatnot. Only I'm not... a serial killer, but I do like to toot my horn a bit about coding projects I do and other things. Similar I'm sure, all those poor bytes dying to satisfy my programming needs! changing gender from 0 to 1 and back again so many times. Good lord, the electricity of it all!
Perverse analogies aside. Yeah, all I really want is to have someone to talk to. And it always seems like no one is interested in me, or putting me as a priority contact, or someone they want to talk to alot. It's always me who initiates the conversation, and I just wish that sometime, it could be the other way around. ugh.
Seriously, I don't want to fall in love again. Hedgehog's dilemna
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