A failure

Tonight, I was supposed to take a friend's friend to a haunted house on campus. Unfortunately, I knew the complex that she lived in, but didn't know whether she lived in south or north complex. I was supposed to meet her at 9. I was at the complex at 8:55 and walked around the complex for 15 or so minutes. I didn't have the girls number, so I tried calling my friend, she didn't pick up because she's part of the haunted house. I can't text from my phone, so I went back to my computer to text her from aim. I tried her, and her boyfriend. They were both working and didn't have their phones on them.

So I waited. 11:30, two and a half hours later and my friend calls me. Her tone tells me she's angry, well maybe not angry, but confused and wanting an explanation for why I broke my promise. I didn't have a very good reply. I told her what I just said in that top paragraph. Minus the trying her and her boyfriend, but I'm sure she knows.

I feel like shit. I never break my promises. It's a rule I have, I make a promise I keep it, normally the promise is actually me saying I promise. However, as a more general statement, my word is my bond. So when I say I will do something, or that I can. I do my best to try and follow through. I despise failing at things, and I hate breaking promises even more.

Bad enough that this seems like a manifestation of what I was feeling a few nights ago. Sometimes, before I sleep, I try to make myself feel. Yeah, that's a typical emo thing to say right? I don't cut. Not physically. I search for the words that bring tears to my eyes. Because I do not cry. Not when I crushed a young girls heart into splinters. Not when I listen to my friends problems. Not when I read about a suicide on campus. Not when I read about the holocaust or read those really really well done books. The ones that you read in high school English class senior year. The movies that you watch during holocaust studies. I felt no remorse for them, I'm detached from them

Objectivity is a good skill that I have because of it. but still. I go to a party, no joy for me there. I might be able to go to clubs and other things, but so few things bring me happiness. I don't understand why. It's been this way for a long time. Maybe one time I'll write about it.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm going to take the girl to the haunted house, I'm going to try again. I'm having breakfast with my friend, the one who asked me take the other friend to the house, hopefully it won't consist of too much scolding. and my apology will allow it all to be fine.