Well there goes that Streak

Well...

So much for feeling good.

Here I thought that I was over it all, but apparently when weekend's roll around and I have no one to hang out, and just myself and my music to sit with, the loneliness kicks in.

I was productive today. I did homework. Good right? Not so much. I was supposed to meet a friend on campus and she was going to take my measurements to make a costume for my upcoming PAX East trip. Unfortunately, blizzards ahoy and my friend having other plans with people in the same day made the scheduling not work out. So, I walked through a bunch of snow on campus just to sit in a windowless room by myself.

The windowless room by myself normally isn't a problem. I love my lab. It's where I go to have intelligent conversation with people interested in the same things as me. It's where I've spent most of the last two years to be honest. But when you're feeling lonely, and none of your friends are available or want to make an effort to see you. You can't help but start to feel like that room is awfully big without someone else in it.

It wasn't a good time walking there either, trying to juggle by bag (I carry it, it's not a backpack) and a small tray of food wrapped in tin foil is not easy when the cold wind keeps deciding to remove the tin foil and you have to struggle to hold it on. So my food got cold, I nearly slipped into the snow a few times, and the wind stung my eyes. Awesome way to start it, but I thought it'd be worth it because I'd get to hang out with a buddy.

Annnnnnnd queue the I'm not coming text.

So, instead of leaving the lab, I hooked up my computer to the sweet sound system we have and did my homework. But eventually the distraction ended and no one I talked to on facebook had any time for me. My old roommate, and someone I consider my best friend wasn't any help. If I'm someones best friend and they need a friend to be there for them, I try. I really do. I can't always make it, but I'll at least hold up a conversation with them if I can't come physically to them. Oh well.

When someone says that they're lonely. You fucking talk to them. Seriously.

Like, I know I've probably harped an ear or two off of him every 5 or so days, but I still talk to some of my friends about stuff they've been struggling with for years. I don't give up just because the conversation changes. If someone needs me to be there, I'm there. If someone wants to have a pity party and that's what they need for a little while, I'll spare them the optimism for a few minutes and let them have their moment before trying to cheer 'em up.

I think the reason I miss having a girlfriend is because it gave me something besides work to do. I feel like such a boring person. Well, not that boring to someone who shared the same interests as me. I could probably talk computer science with someone all day and have a good 'ol time. Unfortunately, that's not everyone's cup of tea. Back to the point, I work a lot. So when I'm not working I wanna do something fun. Fun for me implies either having a coding session by myself and rocking out to music, or hanging out with friends, or better yet, cuddling with someone and having a nice life chat.

I didn't feel that driven to code today after being by myself in a big empty room, so I really wanted to do one of the other two. IF I had a girlfriend then the cuddling would be there for me, and the second one would be as well. But since I don't anymore, I wanted friends. Unfortunately, as I already said. No one wanted in. Most of my friends are not the people who want to trudge through snow just to sit in a room with someone, I don't blame them, but still. Like I said before, if someone's having a hard time and you consider yourself a good friend. Go to them if you can.

Sigh. So instead when I walked home from the lab I chain smoked a cigarette instead. Abusing my body is fun right? ... Totally.