11/28/10
Well, I'm inspired to write this entry, even though I don't have internet so it's just on a wordpad document, it's good enough.
I bought the new Taylor Swift album today, as well as a Us edition full of her. I admit, I have a week spot for female singers. I don't know why, but I just find girls who can sing to be more desirable than others who can't. It's not even in a sexual way, although female singers seem to normally be very attractive. I just find the female voice to be attractive, more so than any others. I think in a mate, boy or girl, I find the voice to be the sexiest, the most attractive part of them.
It's probably why I fell in love with Britney Spears when I was young, her voice was so cute! Or the song "Ring My Bell", I heard it for the first time in years on a throwback part of a radio show. It's why I loved Miley Cyrus's early albums as Hannah Montana and as Herself. It was the voice, the interesting quirks in them and everything about it all. I love Muse's signer Mathew Bellamy because his voice is amazing. He can hit all those notes I love in a female voice, but also the lower ones with his smexy voice. And not too mention his lovely accent. And thinking along the lines of the brits, Lily Allen's voice is fantastic in that regard as well.
So no surprise I'd find Taylor Swift's voice so enticing to listen to, even if I generally have headphones or close my door if I'm going to be listening to her loudly. Pathetic I know, feeling odd about being rediculed about my taste in music. I mean, I listen to everything from Death Metal to Girl Pop and Country. It's rediculous. But whatever. My taste is a mess of dualities and contradictions. Not to mention just sheer oddity. For example, at this current moment. I'm listening to Taylor Swift's new album, Speak Now, and watching Transporter Two. Weird mix? Yeah I know. I was going to watch Boondock Saints, but my parent's onDemand MA controls prevented that. Which is crap, considering I'm in college and they have a lock on all MA material.
But anyway, tonight is actually the last night I'll sleep in my own bed before going back to school. So I suppose I should take comfort in it. Although I was just starting to get used to not having to do anything, and spending time with my friends. Sometimes when I'm on campus I wonder about how my friends are, and if I care as much about them as I think I do. I realize I do, but it just takes time to adjust. Some of them are the only people in the world who I can be myself with. Making stupid noises just to make stupid noises, not caring what people around us think when we do silly things in public places. Our combined horrible sense of humor, that would insult and offend any person who has any moral compass. Not to say we're terrible people, but most people don't understand a lot of things we say are jokes, and really shouldn't be taken seriously.
So yeah, I love just being able to talk to my friends about life. And the thing's I've failed to do, and the thing's they've failed to do. But we don't just focus on the bad things, those are just normally the things we talk about first. And once we've got our heads cleared, we can move on to the important things, the happy things. The thoughts we should be dwelling on. I have a really bad habit of remmbering my first girlfriend. We broke up on bad terms, and I've never really reconciled with her. She's the reason I don't continue being friends with girls I date. If break up, then we're through completely. I don't want to be friends, and I don't want to meet you ever again. Because that's the way I can deal. It's mean, I understand that sometimes people get hurt, especially when they've invested a lot in your friendship. But, that's the way it is. And, I mean, I could change, I could try to be friends with an ex or something like that. But, I don't think I can, or want to change like that. It's easier for me this way. I can just move past and never think about the people I've hurt. Easier for me, harder for them I suppose. Though I guess, it's not as easy as I'd like to because I'll always be thinking about the one who made me this way.
Never give your heart to someone so completely that they can truly hurt you. When you let someone into your heart, you can never really get them back out. You can try to forget them, but there will always be reminders. And unfortunately for me, a lot of things in my life are associated with her, simple gestures, dance moves, phrases, inside jokes between multiple friends, foods, everything and anything. Even some numbers. It's rediculous how invested I was in her. I was so convinced and so stupid. Maybe that's why I generally tell my friends, half jokingly, that I'm a cold hearted bastard. Because I guess I am sometimes.
Anyway, so I've officially listened to Speak Now all the way through, and I'm at the point where the main character of the transporter is giving the vaccine to the boy, and showing it to the mother and such. Good stuff. I should probably go to bed soon. I'm getting up early to drive back to school. So I should sleep one more time in my bed. It's odd how much more comfortable my bed at home is than my dorm bed. But it's not even really the bed itself, because my home bed is smaller in length. But it's the blankets. The way they add the pressure and press down on me. And my pillow is nice and fluffy, but it's a big square pillow from Germany, from my grandmother. I love it all.
So now that I've drifted off track... 3 times or so I think in this entry. My main point, is how bizarre my taste in music is, and how it's reflected throughout my life in general. I love Rammstein and Taylor Swift in the same playlist. I love mixing foods that probably shouldn't be mixed (I.E. Cheesecake and Crab Rangoon ). I love watching Action movies and Sappy Romances back to back. I love reading a good book, but would just as readily play soccer or video games. I like the simple things in life, but it's the complex ideas that can stimulate my neurons really well too. I have friends who hate each other and are directly opposed to each other even though they have the exact same interests.
I used to wake up at 5 am to go to school and sit with a girl who had to get dropped off early becuase she had family issues, because I was crushing on her bad. And now, I go to bed at 5 am sometimes, but always at least at 3am. I used to wonder how my brother could sleep til 2pm. But now, I do it all the time. It's odd don't you think? I hate how texting removes the contact of the voice between people, but for people I'm romanticly interested in, texting is easier for me becuse I can think for a while before my responses. It's like slow motion life.
Well, I think I'm going to go to bed, or rather, brush my teeth and wash my face then go read my book about Quantum Mechanics. If only I had an mp3 player, then I could listen to music as well. Is it weird I like to do at least 3 things at a time most of the time? Watch a movie, listen to music, and write an entry for example? Play guitar, listen to a playlist or two, and study for a test. Or sometimes more than 3 things, like eat a meal, hold a conversation on the phone, read a book, and figure out my plans for the next week and write them in my planner. I like being busy. If I'm not busy, I get bored (makes sense right?) and when I get bored I'm not very productive. I love to learn new things.
This movie, Transporter 2, reminds me of my friend who goes to Hawaii for school. Because she lent me the movie, 4 years ago. I miss those times. Goodnight.
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