Scumbag brain

I keep having dreams about my ex.

It wouldn't bother me if they were nice dreams, but they're not. They start out nice. I'm happy to see her and hang out with her (because I miss hanging out with someone I consider one of my best friends) and sometimes she's happy to see me too. But it always takes a turn for the worse and the theme is always the same.

She's been with someone else, she has a new boyfriend she didn't tell me about, she has a new boyfriend and she cheated on him with me for months. All these things. To clarify my position, it'd be totally fine if she got a boyfriend in real life. I'd like to think I've moved on (not to anyone new, but I'm not pining after a relationship with her anymore -- although typically after I wake up after these dreams and see the empty side of my queensized bed it does make me miss having her to wake up next to --) so it wouldn't matter if she got a new boyfriend. We promised each other that when we found new partner's we'd tell each other. And I'm going to stick by that promise if I find a girlfriend she'll be the first to hear about it. Anyway, the common theme in the dream is betrayal. Typically we're having a great time just hanging out, or we've fooled around a little and are just laying down together cuddling...

and then she drops the bomb.

Dream her tells me that she's had sex with this random person, or tells me that she's been cheating on some new boyfriend with me (which thoroughly pisses me off because cheating is the worst thing you can do to someone and I don't wish it on anyone --I know that heartache all too well), or just something like that. And she does it in a way that's completely unlike her in real life.

So, it's easy to be like, oh that's just my brain and they'res no way she would ever act like that. So why does my brain keep doing it? I don't really buy into dreams telling us anything or having a deep universal meaning (psychs can go shove it), but I know my subconscious is trying to tell me something, but I wish it would tell me in a way I could understand, not in a way that just makes me wake up sad.

Maybe I'm just lonely and miss having good company around.