scroogey K

There's just something about a girl that can break a man. While that's not an exact quote, it's pretty close to a lyric from a Jason Mraz song I know. Anyway, the best few weekends, I've been hanging out with a girl my friend K set me up with. It's been going well, K set us up because we were both looking for, to be blunt, a fuck buddy. It turns out that we mesh pretty well together, and so far it's been really nice. Hanging out primarily on the weekends when we both have nights to spare. She's bisexual and we talk about both girls and guys when we talk about sex. We share a very similar taste in women. The ultra skinny, semi gothic look. It's very attractive. anywho, I suppose I'm writing because I'm once again confused. But this time it's not even my fault! I swear.

I was talking to K today before I ate some lunch and she was talking about how the girl and I look cute together, and such. And that we cuddle after sex and the like. Anyway, she decided to drop a bombshell on my face. She asked me if I had thought about actually dating the girl. I struggled with an answer. I wanted to say that I had thought about it, but I hadn't really. The thought had flickered across my synapsis's a few times perhaps, but never for actual consideration. But when K asked me, it brought it up to the forefront and I had to ask myself what I would do. I told her that, I had thought about it, but that I think one of the reasons it's working out well is because we're not exclusive and if she has sex with someone else it won't hurt me because we're not together. I suppose that doesn't really make sense in some ways. But, by not actually dating her, I protect myself from being hurt, but because we're fuck buddies, I still get the benefit of being with her when I choose to be. After I had poorly explained that concept in far less detail to K, she said that she had asked her friend the same question. And that she had said that she had thought about it, or something like that. I dunno, it doesn't really change anything to me. I mean, it does, and it doesn't. She's not the kind of girl to be tied down, she's full of life and ready to live it to the fullest, a boyfriend isn't what she needs in my opinion. Of course, devils advocate in me pops up, and states that maybe she needs an anchor, and that that anchor could be me.

Ugh, anyway. I suppose half the reason I'm writing is because I haven't written in a while, and a lot has happened in my life since I last wrote. For example, the last time I wrote, the most interesting thing in my life was the coding projects I do. And I mean, those are still very interesting to me, and I'm currently working on the runtime analysis and optimization of my program, but I have this damn libido bugging me again. I was at an equilibrium I thought, I was content with being single again. But just as I become alright with myself again, I find someone who can make me feel the ways I haven't dared to feel in a long time. God, I sound like a lovesick fool. I know that's not the truth of it. I'm not in love. Love is a self hypnosis designed to try to quell our urge to leave a woman behind. I won't be a fool to it, and won't allow myself to be wounded like I've been before. If that makes me a scrooge I don't care...